How Much Does Your Age Matter When Reading Catherine Newman's Novel, Sandwich?

What I dreaded most has happened!

I can't believe it. Or I don't want to believe it, but what I've dreaded has finally happened. A well-reviewed book fell flat with me, not because there weren't some beautiful and funny moments in the novel, but because I'm old enough to have trouble relating to the main character. My age mattered when reading Catherine Newman's novel Sandwich.

This year, I turn sixty-eight, so I'm NOT ancient, nor am I diminished by cognitive losses, physical problems, or mental issues. (At least not obvious ones!) But because I didn't have raging anger and flashes of uncontrollable emotion when I went through Menopause like Rocky, the main character in Sandwich,  I had trouble establishing a rapport with her. I also did not have the same heavy guilt of a secret sin from the past weighing on me like she did.

Rocky and her husband, Nick, are the parents of two adult children, Willa and Jamie. Every year, the family rents a cottage on Cape Cod to spend one week together. This year, the vacation also includes a visit from Rocky's aging parents, and for a few days, the entire group is packed into a limited space with ancient plumbing and lots of interesting family dynamics.

Hungry yet?

The title has nothing to do with eating - although there is a sandwich-making tradition in the family. Instead, the title is about the life stage of Rocky and Nick, in their fifties and sandwiched between their children and their aging parents.

As Newman describes Rocky...

"She is halfway in age between her young adult children and her elderly parents. She is long married to a beatiful man who understands between twenty and sixty-five percent of everything she says. Her body is a wonderland. Or maybe her body is a satchel full of scars and secrets and menopause."

Catherine Newman, the author, must be funny because she creates some good lines for Rocky, this volatile, Menopausal woman who made me laugh multiple times. Like when she tries on a new bathing suit:

"There is also some kind of situation between my rib cage and legs - something new that looks like a bag full of dinner rolls. Or maybe just a large loaf of peasant bread."

(Sadly, I get it!)

Rocky is a woman aware of the perceptions her adult children have of her, and she is also surprised by the situations she finds herself in at this time of her life. She laments,

"'Dad and I defrosted the chest freezer," is an actual text I once sent in a response to a question about our weekend and how it was going.'"

What can happen in one week?

The novel is structured on a day-by-day basis, so the reader sees the activities of family members as events unfurl throughout the week. The son, Jamie and his girlfriend, Maya, are there, clearly in love. Willa, the older, gay daughter, is one of the main focuses of the book. She is close to her mom - and also the family cat, with whom she has two-sided conversations by creating funny feline dialogue. Rocky's aging parents join the family, and one night, the grandparents divulge history that hasn't been discussed much before.

Unexpected developments happen to each member of the family throughout the week. As Willa says, "This week is proving to be very revelatory!" But with each event, Rocky is forced to confront her own memories and history, dealing with her painful past.

The chapters either describe the activities of each day of the week or the memories of Rocky going back through decades of her marriage. When Rocky remembers events, there's always a catch phrase to clue the reader into the fact that she is going back to the past. Rocky recounts the memories of each summer by saying, "The summer Jamie was four...." or "The summer Willa was five and Jamie was seven." Stating the ages of her kids helps us understand how many years ago the event happened, while connecting the family's past to the continual summers at the beach.

Beautiful sentiments in Catherine Newman's Novel, Sandwich

Whether it's because Rocky's hormones are making her emotional, or whether she is truly a rare spirit who can see the depth of the emotions swirling around us, she delivers some lovely lines about the power of familial love:

"How alive are you to feel such sorrow?"

"How are these adults my children? is what I really want to say. And why are they so beautiful?"

and

"Nobody has asked me what my favorite part of the week is, but maybe that's because they know I'll say, boringly, that it's simply this: the fact of us together and alive....Maybe grief is love imploding. Or maybe list's love expanding. I don't know. I just know you can't create loss to preempt loss because it doesn't work that way. So you might as well love as much as you can. And as recklessly. Like it's your last resort, because it is."

I may not have always related to Rocky's wild outbursts and grapples with grief, but - oh my goodness - I totally get the love of her family and the need to love them harder, now, while I've got the chance.

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